“Good morning! Is this Rod Starczewski I’m speaking with? What’s that, I viciously mispronounced your last name and made a terrible first impression in the process? No sweat, pal. I’m going to sucker you in with an overly enthusiastic bill of goods anyway, so let’s move past this little incident.
I’ve got GREAT NEWS! You’ve been selected as the WINNER of a 7 day, 6 night adventure in Orlando! You and the other 5,670 idiots at the travel show who were gullible enough to provide us with your contact information.
Best of all, your nights in Orlando are FREE! Of any standard charges. But with fees, side contracts and other fine print obligations, you’ll end up paying much more than you normally would through Orbitz. Because that’s how I make my living and I’ll be damned if I volunteer that information on the front end.
So here’s how this scam works. I talk up Orlando to you. A lot. As if you’ve been living under a rock and are completely unfamiliar with the #1 family fun destination in America. So, please, indulge me while I reduce your intelligence to that of a muttering dementia patient.
After I’ve sold you on Orlando, we talk turkey. All you need to do to secure your fabulous, possibly roach-infested suite in Orlando is book a car through one of our partners. THAT’S IT!! For now. I’ll ask you to provide your credit card information over the phone, which you should easily volunteer because I’ve simply identified myself as Louis, your Sr. Vacation Consultant. You don’t need things like my last name, company or avenues of legal pursuit when I run up $5,000 on your credit card next week in the Bahamas.
Now, when you get to Orlando in your fabulous rental car that may or may not have seen any regular maintenance in the last three years, you’ll be required to attend a brief, 2 hour seminar on the outstanding, scintillating, mind-blowing rip-off that is our vacation ownership package.
You’ll be greeted by my counterpart whose sleaze and offensive ingenuity make me look like Mother Theresa. Over the course of those two hours, you’ll be belittled, insulted, have your manhood challenged and heavily pressured into making a worse investment than a typewriter factory. But when you’re dumb enough to sign your life over and finance his BMW, remember, you’ll be an OWNER!! Of properties you have to get permission to stay in one week out of the year. With three years advance notice. And not during blackout dates which include all weekends, holidays and months between March and November.
So, whaddya say? Ready to pursue the vacation of your dreams that will leave you in a state of financial ruin? Great! Let me get my supervisor on the phone to take your credit card information. His name is also Louis, and his voice coincidentally sounds exactly like mine.”